Thursday, January 29, 2009

Bliss in Hyperspace


The few days after describing my bliss, in the 21 Day post, were quite blase in comparison. I became disappointed in myself, wanting to feel the peaceful high as a constant in my life. I woke up at 3:30 this morning unable to resume sleep, so I asked for a meditation, asked to meet my spirit guides, and was met with dull silence instead. I held my hand over my heart and noticed that the space between felt heavier, kind-of metallic, and the space inside drawn tight.

Did Buddhist monks ever feel this way? You think of the Dalai Lama's face lit with some soft knowing smile, placid and meek. Only recently have scientists discovered the source of that smile. Sixteen years ago, his Holiness invited a neuroscientist to prod, electrify and sensor his eight favorite Ngyingmapa and Kagyupa meditators at a lab at the University of Wisconsin.

Everybody expected that the monks wired brains would slow down to a pretty alpha state of consciousness, slow and steady, while they concentrated on unconditional love. Instead after just 15 seconds, the EEG monitors noted an increase in brain activity during meditation. Bursts of high gamma-band activity grew to unprecedented levels, higher than ever predicted. Dr. Richard Davidson and his colleague reported these Buddhist monks showed "the highest measures of gamma activity ever recorded among people who were not insane." "The heightened state also produced permanent emotional improvement, by activating the left anterior portion of the brain -- the portion most associated with joy. The monks had conditioned their brains to tune into happiness most of the time." *

Unprecedented bliss.

Well, there's a great reason to get meditating!

If you need another reason, don't let the quiescent smiles fool you into thinking that these pacifists hide behind simple minds. Did you know that meditation can help you reduce or reverse the aging process of your brain? In 2000, Sara Lazaar, at Massachusetts General Hospital mapped the brain regions that are active during simple meditation, comparing real devotees with the more ordinary among us. She discovered an increase in signalling in neural structures that equated to mega-brain exercise during meditation. The cortical thickness of attention regions of the brain were actually thicker among devotees of kundalini and Buddhist mindfulness meditations, and increased with practice and age. They were not only more aware of details in hyperspace, with heightened powers of observation, but also operated at peak attention, with greater mindfulness than ordinary folks can achieve without practice in meditation. And their brain-power was getting better with age, not worse.

It appears that scientists have been very busy prodding and measuring psychics as well. Ingo Swann is respected as one of the best remote viewers in the world, even employed by the US government. So, what's up with his brain? Dr. Micheal Persinger from Laurentian University in Canada wired Swann up and tested his skills, which proved true and showed bursts of high beta and gamma activity similar to the Tibetan monks. Through brain monitoring, Persinger saw Swann enter a "superconscious state" that enables him "to receive information impossible to access during normal waking consciousness." He had an unusually large parieto-occipital right hemisphere lobe where sensory and visual input is processed, that allowed him to "see beyond the limits of time, distance and the five major senses."

This is from bonafide laboratory researchers not X-files story writers nor psychic fanatics.

Even med-school graduates are turning on to this. Cancer specialist and psychologist Dr. Lawrence LeShan published research as to how gifted healers work. He discovered that they also enter states of altered consciousness, and visualize themselves as uniting with the person and something often described as "the absolute."

"I'm aware of the process just being beyond me," one healer told him. "My conscious control is completely side-stepped, like I'm standing, watching. Then something else takes over."

Healers describe feeling their bodies change with shifts of energy "suffused with an expanded sense of pure present" and reduced awareness of time and self. "They felt taller, lighter, almost as though they were out of their physical being, engulfed by a sense of unconditional love... , observing themselves as "a kind of core that remains." Many identify with guardian spirits, guides or angels which take over to do the work.

McTaggart says she's encountered two types of healers in her extensive studies. Those who regard themselves as the source of healing and those who channel energy from a greater force beyond themselves. Elisabeth Targ who recruited 40 "healers of every persuasion" for her AIDs project discussed the common thread she discovered among diverse approaches to healing. "Loving compassion or kindness was essential in sending out a positive intention to heal," she said. "But no matter what their approach, most of them agreed on a single point: the need to get out of the way. They surrendered to a healing force... a request (like) 'please may this person be healed' -- then stepped back." Successful healers do not believe they possess the power themselves.

One of the most respected healers, Harry Edwards, agrees that a healer works "by handing over his will and his request for healing to a greater power." It is "as if a blind had been drawn over his normal alert mind," he says. "In its place he experiences the presence of a new personality, one with an entirely new character, which imbues him with a super-feeling of confidence and power."

"The healer may be dimly aware of normal movement taking place around him. If a question is addressed to him about the patient's condition he will find himself able to respond with extraordinary ease and without mental effort -- in other words, the more knowledgeable personality of the Guide provides the answer." Edwards would surrender, drop personal ego, move aside, and merge with the higher entity to become part of a larger whole.

Researchers have also given healers personality tests, of course, and discovered they possess "thin boundaries: open, unguarded and undefended." By contrast, people with "thick boundaries," according to the Hartmann Boundary Questionnaire, are "well-organized, dependable, defensive and... well-armored."

Sharing characteristics with artists and musicians, healers are "sensitive, vulnerable and creative." They "tend to get involved quickly in relationships" and "easily flit between fantasy and reality," sometimes not differentiating well between the two. They do not "repress uncomfortable thoughts or separate feelings from thoughts," and are more comfortable with "using intention to control or change things around them."

This is how researchers and scientists can explain why healers are able to do what they do. They must have the ability to surrender, to give up cognitive control, to channel pure energy. They suspect that "during altered states of consciousness, the body switches off certain neural connections including an area near the back of the brain that constantly calculates a person's spatial orientation." They explain that "during a transpersonal or transcendent experience, the boundary between self and the other blurs." Those poor Tibetan monks, rigged up to the EEGs demonstrate an increased activity in the brain's frontal lobes. Their intense focus "on some other being appears to switch off the amygdala and so remove a neural sense of self," doctors explain.

Which leads me to question why these modest monks are willing to leave their relative seclusion, fly to these universities and hospitals, allow themselves to be rigged and poked and measured? Why, especially, after a few thousand years of secrecy and protection? Why now?

The answer comes from His Holiness the Dalai Lama himself who understands that since the Chinese occupation in Tibet fifty years ago, his days, and those of his holy followers are drawing to an end. He has encouraged a generous spirit of cooperation from his followers and sharing with all those who believe.

This is why we can all learn to open ourselves to something greater than any of us could ever be alone. By their smiling examples these quiescent Buddhists -- who can boil freezing water through the power of their thoughts -- show us, scientifically, that we, too, can be happy most of the time, that we, too, can obtain peak awareness and can even reverse the course of our aging brains. They patiently answer our foolish questions.

All we have to do is surrender.

All we need do is to let go of our ego, get out of the way and welcome the light.

All we need is love.


*PRIMARY SOURCE: Lynne McTaggart, Entering Hyperspace, The Intention Experiment 2008




Tuesday, January 27, 2009

21 Days

Our problems cannot be resolved in the same state of consciousness in which we’ve created them
-- Albert Einstein



Last Friday marked twenty-one days after Kim's Level One Reiki attunement. That's a ballpark number for how long it takes to process all the new thinking, to integrate feelings and to come to balance. My teacher was non-specific about how to use that time or what to expect. So as a dutiful student I chose to study and meditate and practice. In that order.

Surprisingly my interest in practice has noticeably diminished. I had been so eager before the attunement, now I am far less interested in healing others. I feel I could do better insisting that those under my hands learn how to do this for themselves, to rely not on me, but on their own personal power to connect with the Universe.

My interest in meditation increased. Although I am still a lazy meditator, comfortably propped on pillows and foam, I can feel the vibrational energy much quicker now, and it's heavier than before. And I can ask my body to tell me things.

Quick Anecdote: Shortly after beginning Healing Touch (HT) at Mercy, only three months ago, I discovered I was able to locate the source of my own personal pain inside far more precisely than ever before. I would concentrate on my breathing, go inside and thank the pain for showing me an area for concern. Then I asked it to be more specific. A general ear ache, for example, would rather quickly define itself to a location so precise that I could pinpoint it on a 3-D hologram. I could then apply HT laser or ultrasound techniques with loving energy, fall off and wake up without pain.

Here is a summary of 21 changes, many overlapping, that I've noted in the past 21 days or so. Most of these were typed on Day 18, after a peaceful day of skiing:

1. I've found it emotionally freeing to detach myself from anger, judgment and criticism… The "Just for Today…" Reiki principles have helped me to let go much more quickly now.

2. I am much more patient.

3. I care less about what people think of my accomplishments, with less desire to impress or prove myself. I can finally rid myself of the concern about not being “good enough.”

4. I used to set more goals for myself, hold myself to the highest standards, and work this into all my activities. Now I feel a more open and casual. (Sorry, hon, the house may not be as clean as before. And thanks for not pestering me about it.)

5. I love my kids, but don’t obsess or worry about their specific activities nearly so much.

6. I smile more, feel honestly content.

7. I really feel I have all that I need -- right here, right now. Thank You.

8. I feel myself saying "thank you," being grateful dozens of times each day.

9. I am dropping my ego more often, depersonalizing, centering, giving credit to Other.

10. I am consciously reducing the flow of negative impressions, staying away from news or comments which try to influence my judgment.

11. I have intentionally “blown my mind” with books, workshops and internet input that overturns conventional logic, so that I cannot retain a mainstream mindset.

12. My more open mind has accepted ideas that it previously rejected.

13. My "Save the Planet" ambitions have lessened -- from a zealous-passionate 10 to a more moderate 7 -- now that I can no longer hold onto outcome or ego. I think it may be diminishing further.

14. I have no desire to convert anybody, only to provide answers to those who are already seeking or open.

15. I am less interested in healing individuals and more drawn toward intention exercises, global impact with total anonymity.

16. I’d like to connect into the greater web and defer to those with more experience and ability. It would be okay to put my strength behind others to serve a greater good.

17. I have no desire to compete with anyone.

18. I have grown to appreciate the small things and am not so interested in material possessions, getting what I want, or having things a certain way. This has been coming for a long time, but I'll put it in writing now.

19. I feel a peace and tranquility more often -- safe, protected and appreciative.

20. My meditations have changed from feeling "light and carried away" to "heavier with more a distinct vibrational quality." I don't know what that means, but it's real, so I'll note it.

21. I think I'm ready for Reiki II. I didn't even know what that would mean 21 days ago.


According to "The Essential Reiki" it means that I'm ready to memorize some sacred symbols, that currently I still cannot conjure even though I've read their names a hundred times, said them aloud 50, and traced them in the air 25. How come I still haven't memorized them?

Buddhists would say it's because they are protected, and I need Level II attunement, where the Reiki Master gives them to me instead of me trying to grab them before I can absorb them properly.

Then I will be able to connect with my spirit guides and release my intentions over time and space. This is like my overly-eager meditation in the earlier blog entry where I saw so many faces and crossed the planet spreading good intentions.

I should also relate that those 21 days came to a more dramatic close than I ever could have predicted. It felt like a slap to my peaceful contented face. I shake my head as I recall that I had typed most of the 21 changes above on Day 18. Perhaps someone thought I deserved one last lesson to put everything into balance.

So what did I need to learn?

That this stuff is transient, the highs still fleeting, the system far from foolproof.

On Day 20 my husband Rich had a heart attack with me by his side on the slopes. It was one of those silent ones that feels more like weakness with indigestion. Despite advice to the contrary from the clinic we consulted at the base, Rich asked me to take him home for assessment. My pendulum spun nice round clockwise, with just small indicators of something amiss. My intuition felt otherwise, so he ended up in the hospital for a few days of tests. I felt deflated at first, quite let down by my lack of experience and that the pendulum didn't pick up any real deficiency in energy. But I also know we were guided to a right decision.

The last lesson: Deference and humility are essential to the healing equation.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Resonating with Tuning Forks


I took a class with Kim a few weeks ago using tuning forks. The set I ordered from India arrived yesterday: a Harmonic set of eight C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C, plus an OM Tuner, all for about $100, perhaps half the price than in the US.


I played with them, mostly using C - C for balance, and D -B for unconditional love.


Our Golden, Millie was very accommodating, stood perfectly still, while I used a healing OM, the note of F for her possible arthritis and C for her leg and possible cancer. She has been tripping down stairs lately. The pendulum showed us that her rear legs, particularly her right, close to her body are ailing her. The vet confirmed the diagnosis and we are treating her with anti-inflammatories. She is hunching her spine at the rear, near her tail. If the anti-inflammatories are not effective for a short-term sprain, which we hope it is, she recommended acupuncture. I told her I'd try vibrational sound treatment, through these tuning forks, as well. I read that many pets walk away from treatment, naturally. Millie seems to enjoy it and remains in the room to benefit from all the vibrational treatments being done around her.


Mike, our 14-year-old, thinks it's cool too. I used the balancing C-C and nurturing D-B on him before he went to sleep, and brought it to our bedroom too.


Strangely, however, I woke up out of sorts this morning.


I woke in the foulest mood I'd been in for weeks. The calendar indicated it could be hormonal imbalance. Kim might advise me that I was in harmonic overload or that I just hit a sore spot. She says that if you respond with a negative reaction, don't push it too hard, but realize that it could be because you hit a chord that's your soul needs to overcome. Go back to it with the mind that it' will be good for you.


I went to the internet for answers and stumbled upon http://www.biosonics.com/

created by John Beaulieu. According to his website:

"John Beaulieu, N.D., Ph.D., is one of the foremost philosophers and major innovators in the area of sound healing therapies. A world-renowned speaker, composer, pianist, and naturopathic doctor, Dr. Beaulieu has pioneered a technique called BioSonic Repatterning™, a natural method of healing and consciousness development using tuning forks and other sound modalities based on the sonic ratios inherent in nature.


... Dr. Beaulieu is the groundbreaking author of Music and Sound in the Healing Arts and the composer/producer of Calendula: A Suite for Pythagorean Tuning Forks, a CD designed to physically align your body and create a deep relaxed state of awareness. He lectures and performs worldwide and conducts training seminars for practitioners in the healing arts."


He offers many free downloads, including harmonic recordings, such as:



If you are equipped to handle mp3, try meditating to this for about five minutes or so. I found it a bit disturbing at first, then remembered that Kim said "that's a good thing." And allowed myself to feel heavy and relax.


I downloaded John's instructions, A Beginner's Guide to Sound Healing with Tuning Forks




© 2003 BioSonic Enterprises
A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO SOUND HEALING
WITH TUNING FORKS
By John Beaulieu, ND, PhD



EXCERPT:

Tuning forks are precise instruments that have the ability to change our inner tuning by creating a resonance throughout our mind, emotions, and body. They can do this by creating a vortex of sound that leads us into still point, which is a moment where everything seems to stop and we can retune ourselves. Our nervous system, like the string of a musical instrument, vibrates to the sound of the tuning forks.


The following exercise is a direct method of becoming aware of your present tuning in order to directly hear your nervous system change tuning when you use BioSonic tuning forks.


Beginner’s Exercise: Identifying & Aligning Your Inner Rhythms
Changing your inner tuning begins with becoming aware of your present tuning. There are many words and concepts that describe your ability to be aware of your present tuning. These include acceptance, presence, “the now,” and surrendering to what is, rather then resisting what is not.


The BioSonic method of getting in touch with your present inner tuning starts with listening to the sound of your own nervous system. To listen to the sound of your nervous system first find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed, sit comfortably, and close your eyes. Notice your breathing rising and falling and if you become aware of your thoughts just let them effortlessly come and go. When you are very calm inside listen for a high-pitched sound, something like the background sound made by a television.


The sound of your nervous system is your body’s resonance with your deep inner tuning. Listen to the sound as you would the sound of a tuning fork or a musical composition. Discover where the sound is taking you and be aware of any images, thoughts, or colors you are experiencing. As you are listening, notice if the sound changes. Sometimes you may spontaneously enter a still point (a sacred space) and return to discover that the sound of your nervous system has changed.


When we are under a lot of stress we sometimes hear the sound of our nervous system as a ringing in our ear. When we are calm it is a comfortable high-pitched sound. One way of working with ringing in the ears is to "get into" the ringing sound rather then resist it. By actively listening to the ringing sound with the right intention, we often can spontaneously move through the discomfort of the ringing sound and enter still point.


Once you have discovered the sound of your nervous system then listen and tune yourself with BioSonic tuning forks and you will hear the difference. Next notice how your thoughts, emotions, and body have changed within the new tuning of your nervous system.


Beginner Level I: Instrument, Technique, and Practice
The best tuning forks for beginners are: The Body Tuner set which consists of two tuning forks, a C 256 cps (cycles per second) and a G 384 cps, which make the interval of a fifth. The interval is called a fifth because
in our Western musical scale C and G are exactly five notes apart (i.e., C - D - E - F - G) where C is the first
note and G is the fifth note.
  • The fifth note has played an important role in many ancient teachings:
    • Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu referred to the fifth as the sound of universal harmony between the
    forces of Yin and Yang.
    • In India, the fifth is believed to create a sound through which Shiva calls Shakti to the dance of life.
    • Apollo, the Greek God of Music and Healing, plucked the fifth on his Sacred lyre to call dolphin messengers to Delphi where they channeled messages to the oracles.
    • The Alchemists called the interval of a fifth crux ansata and considered it to be a transition point where matter crossed over into spirit.
    • The crux ansata, also called the anak by the Egyptians, is a still point where the earth ends and our ascension into spirit begins. For them the number five was numerlogically the perfect combination of even (two) and odd (three)
    representing the unity of heaven and earth.
    Sounding the fifth is a general sound tonic. Some of the benefits of the fifth are:
    • Alleviates depression
    • Enhances joint mobility
    • Balances Earth with spirit,
    • Directly stimulates Nitric Oxide release—
    o Anti bacterial
    o Anti viral and immune enhancement
    o Balances the heart, pituitary gland, sphenoid bone
    o Balances sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system
    o Releases opiate and cannoboid receptor sites in third brain ventricle.

  • Technique: The Knee Tap
    There are two methods to sound your C and G Body Tuners called the knee tap and the together tap. In both methods, hold your tuning forks by the stems with moderate pressure—not too tight and not too loose. Do not hold your tuning forks by the prongs because the prongs need to vibrate in order to create the sound.
    1. For the knee tap gently tap the flat side of the tuning fork on your kneecap. Do not hit your kneecap. All it takes is a gentle firm tap and your tuning fork will sound. It is best to tap your C 256 first on one knee and then your G 384 fork on your other knee.
    2. Bring the forks slowly to your ears, about three to six inches from your ear canal, and listen to the sounds. Note: If you do not want to tap the forks on your knees then you can tap them on a hockey puck or on a carpet.Once you have mastered the knee tap then you can do the following ear training
    exercises with your Body Tuners:

  • Exercise #1
    The best way to understand the fifth is to go into the sound and experience its qualities. Find a safe, quiet place, knee tap your tuning forks, and just be with the sound. When the sound stops lower your tuning forks and wait at least fifteen seconds before sounding them again.

  • Exercise #2
    Another method of using your tuning forks is to learn to hum their sound. Find a safe, quiet place and knee tap your tuning forks. Bring them to your ears as above and then make a humming sound that resonates with your tuning forks. If you find yourself focusing on one fork or the other, relax and let your ears find a sound that
    resonates inside the interval. Next put down your tuning forks, imagine being in the sound of the interval space and hum the resonant sound without the forks. Your goal is to create a humming anchor sound that will take you into the sound of the tuning forks without having to use your tuning forks. When you hum the sound of C and G without having to sound the tuning forks it is called toning.
    If you are working with a friend or patient then you can use both methods with them.
    They can be sitting up or lying on a table. It is important that the tuning forks be sounded in a safe healing space and that the person with whom you are working understands that they will be hearing a sound.

  • Technique: The Together Tap
    The second way to sound Body Tuners is to tap them together. Hold them by the stems and tap them together on their edges, not the flat side of the prongs. You do not have to use a lot of force to get the result and play with creating an easy sounding tap vs. a banging tap when too much force is used. When you tap then together the tuning forks will sound overtones. Move the tuning forks around slow and fast in the air and listen to different tones as they get louder and softer.

  • Otto 128 (I used the Om 136 which Kim tells us is more for balance, great for meditation, while the Otto 128 is used more for healing) Both of these tuning forks use weights on the prongs. The purpose of the weights is to transmit a strong vibration from the prongs through the stem. To sound your weighted tuner, hold it by the stem and tap the flat side of the weights on your knees or the palm of your hand. Next press the tuning fork onto one of your knuckles. Make contact with the base of the stem and gently press until you fell the vibration being transferred to your body. Experiment with different pressures—start light and then gradually increase until you fell the maximum vibration. Note: If you have a history of osteoporosis or have a fracture do not press the Otto128 to your bones. If you feel any pain when pressing the tuning fork to a bone then do not continue to press. Many EMT's carry an Otto 128 tuning fork to test for bone fractures. The vibration of the fork causes the bone to vibrate and if there is a fracture present, the person will experience pain. It is not as good as an X-ray, however in the field it gives a very strong indication.

  • The Otto 128 is great for working with joint mobility and stiffness in joints. In general, it can be pressed to any joint. The Otto 128 can also be placed on acupuncture, trigger points, or any soft tissue area that is safe to receive pressure. Here are some very good areas to vibrate that will balance your autonomic nervous
    system. When vibrating any area never do more than three taps and placements of the Otto128 in an area because more tapping will just exhaust your tissues and you will not get additional benefit.

  • Point 1: Place the Otto 128 on your sternum, your chest bone. Feel the vibration and imagine your heart softening.
  • Point 2: Place the Otto 128 on your third eye—the space between and just above your eyes. Close your eyes and feel the vibration move through your cranium.
  • Point 3: Place the Otto 128 on your sacrum, the bone at the base of your spine. Close your eyes and feel the vibration move through your lower pelvis. (Note: Do not use this area if you have a pace maker.)
  • If you want to use your Otto128 on a very specific point then:
    1. Find the exact point using whatever method is appropriate.
    2. Place your index finger on the point.
    3. Tap the Otto128 on your knee.
    4. Bring the Otto128 to your index finger and simultaneously slide your index finger away while bringing the base of the tuning fork stem onto the point.
    5. In general, it is always good to place your free hand somewhere else on the
    body.

  • Beginner Level II: Visualization
    Once you have mastered the basics, which means that you are confident holding your tuning forks and sounding them in all three ways mentioned above, you could add visualization. Working with visualization based on your needs and the needs of someone else you are working with will add a different dimension to your use of tuning forks.
    1. Before you tap your tuning forks, visualize what you want to accomplish. For example, visualize a positive image and feel the image in your body.
    2. Tap your tuning forks and allow the felt feeling of the image to guide your tap and resonate with the sound.
    3. Next bring the tuning forks to the ears, ring them over the body, or place them on the body with the image as your guide.

  • Exercise #1: Body Tuner™ Toning
    Inhale and as you exhale hum the sound of the Body Tuners. Inhale again and as you exhale hum the sound of the Body Tuners and mentally direct or visualize the sound in a specific area of your body, emotion, or thought. For example, you can visualize your heart and allow the humming sound to resonate with your heart. Try
    putting your hand over the body area you want to resonate with and feel the sound of your humming coming into that area.

  • Exercise #2: Directed Body Tuner™ Color Toning
    Find a safe place and close your eyes. Relax and take a deep breath and then exhale. Next visualize a color and inhale the color. As you exhale hum the sound of the Body Tuners. Next inhale a color and mentally direct it to a specific area of your body, emotion, or thought. Exhale and hum the sound of the Body Tuners.

  • Conclusion
    Practice makes perfect. Enjoy playing your tuning forks and work with the exercises. You will get immediate results. And as you build your confidence, both in intellectual understanding and sonic experience, you will be prepared to understand more advanced concepts and uses of tuning fork healing.

  • For more information about Sound Healing tuning forks, informational videos, books, CDs, tapes and home study courses, go to: http://www.biosonics.com/

After spending an hour with my tuning forks, I can vouch that I feel much better now, thank you. If you don't have the tuning forks, at least download the Solar Harmonic http://www.biosonics.com/music/SolarHarmonic.mp3 or visit John's site and try some of his other goodies.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Kim Part 4 My Reading

I did not want to share this one, at first. I thought I never would because of its personal nature. But now that a little time has past I realize how important it was by realizing how unimportant it has become. I have already detached myself from my worst nightmare. That's real progress. Thank You!




I was thoroughly impressed with the accuracy of Kim’s intuitions. Several times I felt my eyes well up with tears when her sensitivity seemed particularly poignant. I laughed, smiled, nodded as she spoke. My curiosity was growing as I thought that if she had this many good things to say about Rich and our new course together, then I had much to look forward to in the next hour or so.

I eagerly lay on the massage table, feeling bubbly warm thoughts percolating.

She did not tell me much about what she was going to do, and I accepted that. She told me that she was already getting impressions of another lifetime. “I see a place that looks like Greece. Beautiful turquoise waters. White cliffs with dwellings. You sing to the fishes. A beautiful voice. Once again, the voice: strong and happy. A man’s voice…. A fisherman.”

Then she broke off unexpectedly. “Actually I feel I should tell you something important now, because I am already starting to lose myself… So you can think about it.” I gazed into Kim’s face and watched her tone change as though she was getting too many impressions to describe everything she was seeing. She talked faster and faster in a whirlwind. “Someone has followed you into this lifetime. A woman…. She was a man in Greece. She was with you there. She has hurt you tremendously, cutting your net. It cannot be repaired. Although she needs to correct this in this lifetime.

This net belonged to your grandfather. I see how lovingly it was put together, how important it was to you. She has cut it. She is stealing your songs. You cannot get them back. She has stolen your songs and she is here in this lifetime again,” Kim warned.

The expression on her face changed as she went on to describe the folding of time as a layered sandwich or a shishkabab. “All time is going on right now, folded over onto itself with a skewer in the middle – your perception point -- to hold it in place. It’s just a matter of which layer you are on… which lifetime you are visiting… meat… cheese… tomato… You are still the Greek fisherman, as you are still Adele. This person is in, at least, both of these places. You are still singing to Rich, your Owl Shaman right now… on another layer…”

As she spoke, I closed my eyes and saw a woman I knew, a creative colleague of mine, who had hurt me deeply a few years ago. Perhaps she’s the one who had stolen my songs – actually she acts more as if I have stolen from her, a misinterpretation. A long painful story.

“I do not have the feeling that she lives with you, or around the Four Corners right now. Somewhere east of here.” Kim says.

“You can think about it while I work over you.” Kim says. “You know her. I feel the answer is important to your life right now, and your new direction.”

Lying on the table, pillows under my head and knees, a third little scented pillow over my eyes, I feel my happiness dwindling away. I want to hold onto it to show Kim my great energy, my great love, so she will give me a good positive reading. “Please, don’t take it away,” I start bartering with my inner self, trying to conjure good pictures into my head. I realize that would be untrue. She would read me as a phony. I was feeling colder, darker, slipping away, slipping away.

Kim is silently working her magic. I can smell incense and feel cool, wet, fragrant sprays gently settle upon my face. Rattles, like seeds in dry gourds, greet one ear then the other, to and fro, distant from the feet, then near my head again. I can hear rustling and soft bird songs, muted flutes and strings.

My first images are of a caged feline. I feel had stepped into this cage many years ago of my own free will. I am not sure if I am a lioness, a tiger, or a panther. I just feel myself pacing back and forth in my cage, eight steps, then turn around. I feel anxious, disturbed, afraid that I will break out into a roar and slash, feel my power, claw. I am pacing, inside as well, as I feel my heart and breath rise, get noisier, in my chest.

I feel I am a stronger woman than I let on. I am only pretending to be quiet and mild. I am afraid of the power I have to hurt, like that cat, the people around me. I am both the cat and the strong woman, holding back my power, my vicious anger at feeling caged in. My cat image stands still so I can relax. I feel I would much rather be pet and purr than slash and roar. My feelings flash to the times I have lost my temper and want to hurt my husband or scream at my son for the frustration I feel inside.

Clouds are getting blacker around me. I worry that Kim can see them. I feel tears dripping into the eye pillow. Kim introduces musky incense which pierces my head like a dagger. The pierce feels instant, but lets something out, like blood, and I am aware that my head feels congested and hurts. The wetness is my tears. My nose aches for a Kleenex.

The mood music and tones are getting stronger -- more rattling, more instruments, but I am only vaguely aware. I’m not all there right now. There are tuning forks of varying pitches, sometimes sweet and mellow, sometimes disturbing to the point of making me feel uncomfortable. Their vibrations course through me, intensifying, diminishing. I feel Kim’s hands upon my shoulders. Her right arm begins trembling strongly for several minutes as it gently shakes my right shoulder and arm.

“It’s okay. Let it out.” I tell myself many times. The last time I felt this pain was when I came to the Four Corners and met Rich for the first time. I now see fast flashing images of deception. The R** man. A young woman I care for. A silent witness. I am not certain if I actually moan or not, but I can hear myself, inside me head, doing so. Can Kim hear me? I think about trust I have lost, in those I loved most. I feel the sickening flush of embarrassment and a dull, quite real, pain cross my heart. How superficial my relationships have been since. How you can love but not trust? How strange! I think about how I accepted Rich into my life as a gift, a lifeline. The cat roars and stares into my eyes. Black face, yellow-green eyes. The price is my freedom. I’m holding back too much of myself. I’d rather die, right now, on this table. But my son, Mike, needs me. Rich needs me. I see the faces of my grown children, Jess and Steve. Unconditional love, no matter what, forever. I’ll hold on. My heart pounds so heavily, so loudly. Can’t Kim hear this?

I am amazed to see her face smiling sweetly when she removes the wet pillow from my eyes. Her voice is gentle and perky as she tells me to take my time getting my head together. I use several Kleenexes after she leaves the room to wash her hands of my toxic energy. I catch myself in the mirror: red puffy eyes; streaming gnarly unkempt hair; looking old and defeated.

When she returns she asks if I feel “revived” after that. “What!?” I exclaim. “That was one of the most disturbing, distressing experiences of my life right there! I wanted to go forward into something beautiful and uplifting and you took me back to the worst time of my life!”

I was surprised she wasn’t upset like I was.

“I was done with all that. I’m over it. Why’d we have to go over beaten territory like that?”

“That’s funny.” Because that isn’t what I saw, Adele.” Kim said. “I saw hummingbirds flying all around you. Weaving a tapestry, a blanket. Dropping it on you: Happiness, Joy. It broke into amazing geometrics, from your days with the shaman, to protect you.”


Kim Part 3 Remembering Wheels

“When I feel the spirits start to pull away, I come back with all this information... That’s one of the benefits from the comeback." Kim says referring to her near-death experiences. " You know all this new cool stuff, groovy stuff from elsewhere.

So, I have something to share with you.” Kim shows us a group of eight sculptured disks, about the circumference of two touching thumbs and forefingers, brightly colored, with different symbols carefully hand crafted on each.

“Remembering Wheels, that’s what these are. They came to me after one of my own death experiences. I’ve been dead a lot. Yep, still here. Hard to say. Can’t help it. Just go on and on. Anyway they’re a combination of color and sacred geometry. They also represent actually tone, or sound, notes.

I don’t choose these consciously. I put them in a little box. And I swirl all the wheels away. And feel the spirits move away some. I use my left hand, because that’s the receiver. I ask what the equation is after all this work is done. And here’s what we come up with.

The first wheel that came out is a time blossom. That goes over his head chakra.
The Mystic Warrior. This is the infinity symbol with two humps that represent two turtles." Kim explains the symbol to us, then turns suddenly to admonish Rich, "You do spend a bit too much time outside your body. The secondary accidents are to tell you… to come back in your body. You need to spend more time in your body."

I smile at this reference as well. Rich is, more often than not, oblivious to appearance. I remember meeting him, seeing him for the first time, and getting the impression that the person in front of me, despite the fact that he would have naturally been nervous, was one of the least self-conscious people I had ever met -- in a rather 'oblivious' kind of way. His curly hair was long, beyond his shoulders, covered on top by a felt cowboy hat decorated with feathers. His trim jeans were clean but stained to match his gnarly, weathered hands. His shoulders lead his body when he walks, quickly. An example of how his movements are graceful enough, but not always in synch with everything going on around him. His deep piercing blue eyes drift away distant, so you feel he is somewhere off, away, even when he is speaking with you. It's not personal. That's simply the way he is. I've had enough proof through the years to realize that, despite his disconnection, everyone who meets him, remembers his distinctive appearance, although he may not remember them.

Kim continues, almost as an explanation for what I'm thinking, "At your crown, your connection to source, it’s very dense here and you’re very NOT." Kim pulls another wheel from the box.

"The wheel that goes over your third eye… Called a torus… that’s a portal to your perineal gland. This sacred torus actually asks a question of you, with no expectations of an answer. It’s about your free will. Over your own psychic center and your communication source, will you allow the synthesis to occur. What synthesis? The synthesis of being your true authentic self. The synthesis of unfolding the third angle of your own creative aspect… It’s important not to think of this as a mandate because you have longevity as well as free will. So you can be very very old. I can’t even give you a number. It doesn’t matter because you can stay here as long as you choose to, to finish exactly what you came to do. And there’s a whole lot more for you to do. You have many students, many, many people to teach and many more songs. For the synthesis of this leg of your journey, for this spoke of the wheel of your life to unfold... It’s very tuned in. The only problem I see with all this is your body. You leave all the time and just fumble around and fall down and have little accidents and stuff.

Rich admits to being accident prone and gives Kim examples.

Kim laughs and assures Rich. "You’re a protected man, so even when you have injuries, you’re going to be okay. You could be the guy that if there’s a 5-car pileup and everybody’s dead, you’d walk out without a scratch. You’re very protected. Also from dark forces. The crystals? They protect you from the force. And they need to be cleansed. Use sea salt and your own sacred breath.

Logical mind emotional heart.

Next… Your throat chakra. Your communication. That’s what you’re here for. This is the rule of psychic energy. No confusion. You can be very clear with what you have to say because you don’t have to think about it because it just pops right out of your mouth."

Rich is a poet who has composed over 2,000 poems in the past two years alone. The words just come to him like channeled energy. His messages are subtle and considered by many accomplished poets to contain some of the most inspired verses of his time. Kim does not know this, or much of anything about Rich, besides what she is picking up in this reading. Again we just listen in silence. Rich chooses to speak about his koa guitar instead while Kim pulls another wheel from her box.

"I love this. Over your heart, your heart chakra? You have a heart. It’s of copper, so it shows electromagnetism over your heart chakra." She then asks, "Did the tuning forks I used on you ever hurt?"

Rich replies, "No… it was wonderful… one of the most sacred things that ever happened to me in my life actually."

"I kept seeing this shape with my eyes closed," she said fingering the wheel in her hands. "One inside the other. They would become purple and kinda greenish yellow… dissolving into one another spinning back and around."

"The copper heart helps with the molecular density and pressure that I was feeling…
Away from your injury, there's a grief that you carry with you. And that grief it can dampen your energy, but your so not-dense anyway that it doesn’t really hold you back. But I used the hoop rattle over there…whoops, poof, sound gone. My husband makes these."

Rich says, "I felt like I was in a jungle rainstorm and all these magical drops were falling right from the heavens. I want to be cleaned out. I just gave myself to the whole thing."

"Oh yeah," Kim agrees. "you were beautiful to work on. There was no resistance. When I touch people? People want the work, but there’s this level of resistance subconsciously. But nothing was standing in your way."

She changes subject, "Your solar plexus which is your life source your vitality point… Gold, asking again if you want the synthesis to occur. Its like asking about free choice…how long you want to stay on this earth as the man that your are now. You have the ability through your longevity to be ridiculous. Gold represents angelic presence and abundance.
And again you’re asking meditation. Whatever you want your life to be, define it. With great specificity, define what you want and you may have it, you may have it. You have to give it your permission."

Rich interrupts with a laugh, "I want a lot!"

"You have a lot left to do," Kim replies. "None of it is burdensome to you. It’s all about beauty." She turns and points toward the center of his body. "Your sacral chakra, whether male or female. That’s your point of creation. It so much about giving birth to yourself. This white wheel is called a land cloud and its about reaching dimension. And what you are birthing within yourself is a new expanded bridge, a heightened sense of awareness. Living in the mountains I
am sure you’ve actually experienced literal land clouds, where the clouds touch the earth, and then the fog, it’s a very sacred space to be in. It is your connection to your spirit home.

Seven Sisters. Five fold equation: cleansing plus purification allows for forgiveness equals unlimited potential and blessings.

That’s what you’re giving birth to. The root of your soul."

Kim pulls another wheel from the box. "Who are you? He’s the butterfly man. He's air. Blue is the color of truth. It smells like peppermint by the way. If your want to talk to somebody and know the truth. Wear a blue shirt and hand them a peppermint to encourage truth-telling. If you have kids. It works real good. Try it.

The butterfly represents beauty and truth. That’s who you are.

The culmination of the equation is your pathway for the moment, which is turquoise.
It represents the spirit realm. Very guided, very connected. This symbol is called divine androgyny. It represents the pure essence of spirit. Neither male nor female. You’ve transcended physical form to complete total energy. You et that from the seven sisters. The pathway you're on is this connection. Again because you are a human being, you also need to balance that by staying connected to the earth and that’s why the crystals are very very important to you. Mining crystals, keeping space.

"I got a thing for petrified wood." Rich confesses.

"Good!" Kim says, "It also keeps away nightmares. You might want to explore some of the grief that you feel. And you may not feel it consciously but you can dig down in your hyper conscious."

Rich says, "I have a feeling my grief comes from the last lifetime."

"I feel like there is something in the lifetime you two spent together." Kim confides. "There was a great love there but there was something, like through customs or the tradition of your people, that held you back from what you could be. But you did spend time together. Your singing, oh my gosh." Kim turns to me, "Are you a professional singer in this lifetime? It’s your voice to sing these songs. But I want to stay focused on him right now."

I nod without answering her questions.

"When you play the chakra song, you play it always into the pathway. You play every note of that song. Then you can do whatever you want with it. It’s a plethora from several lifetimes…." Kim plays notes she transcribed from the remembering wheels to represent each of Rich's seven major chakras. "Turquoise is a double C, two notes together play the same. You have all 3 of the metals silver, copper D-F, and gold D-A. You can recombine. Every single time it’s a song.

I want to point out some other things:
5 notes of C – that resonates with the root chakra
4 Ds – that resonates with the sacral chakra, that’s your ultimate potential and blessings, amazing. That resonates with your throat. You could do readings if you wanted to but it seems as though you’d reach a broader audience with your music.
The heart symbol actually showing up over your heart – which proves you do know how to love
and you know how to share that love.
A is your third eye and that’s right here. You always play music… slap rocks or drumming, in every lifetime, every stage you have something to express."

Rich switched to a nature anaology. "I went skiing one day when I was in my late teens and it was the most incredible experience. I found out later, it wasn’t the skiing, that was pulling me, it was the mountains.

He followed with another anecdote, "I just had this amazing day, following a time of grief. It was raining and I looked into the rain and said 'Please help me.' And the rain drops just stopped in the sky. I had the greatest sense of peace I ever had when I watched those rain drops just stop. About two weeks later I started writing. They were terrible. That’s just how it started. It wasn’t anything I planned.

I picked up a book of Robert Frost for a dollar in a bargain bin. One piece explained what was wrong with my writing, The Oven Bird." Rich recited, from memory, the whole poemn then repeated, “The bird would cease and be as other birds but that he knows in singing not to sing."

I had always tried to explain my work instead of letting the work sing for itself. Immediately I understood that I didn’t really care whether people got it or not. But those were just gifts that just happened in life. I also never tried to memorize any of the poems that I have. They just entered my head. There are quite a few poems I have in memory and I don’t even have to think about them for years. But whenever I want to tell someone, all the words are there. Right there. I just couldn’t explain how to you. I never tried to memorize it. I just did it because it’s important I guess."

"Everything you said makes sense," Kim assured him.

As the observer, one who has lived with this man for many years now, I feel Kim has revealed another dimension that does, somehow, make sense.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Kim Part 2: Rich's Reading

In this section, we learn that Kim connects with spirit guides to give her insights into past lives and current issues. I brought a tape recorder and had jotted my impressions within two days of the visit:

After Kim had spent an hour alone with my husband, I heard her step into the bathroom, next to the room I was waiting in, to wash her hands. She looked in on me, still seated on my comfy couch, and invited me to join them. She excitedly announced that she had learned what she could this session and had much to share.

I saw Rich still lying on a massage table, smiling broadly. I thought he looked incredibly peaceful.

When Kim started to speak I showed her my recorder and asked if she minded. She nodded her encouragement, then spoke while I sniffed the strange scents in the air.

“This man is not from here. He is a very old soul. He has a long life ahead of him, for as long as he wants. He comes from the Seven Sisters.” Her words flowed rapidly as if she had far more to say than could possibly be understood. More ideas, more thoughts, more impressions than words could possibly describe. I was glad I was recording her, because I just can’t listen that fast! “He has no molecular density at all.” she said. “He is a feather.”

I was already impressed because I would agree that Rich is like no other man on this planet. When I first heard his voice, eight years ago, I was struck by its airiness, not effeminate, but airy, light, soft, musical. He had been speaking to me through his poetry, online. We had never met in person. I had no other impression of the man except through his poetic words, and then his voice, both which struck like feathers.

“He brings his music and his works from his home. When he’s spent time here on Earth, in other existences, he spends it inside the earth. In the belly of the mother. In the womb of our mother. He’s very connected to the earth-mother in this life.
I see him as a crystal miner. Gathering many beautiful crystals, which help keep the density of the world away from him. He’s very magnetic in nature and magnanimous in stature.”

Another insight, since Rich is a collector of stones, a few crystals, but mostly petrified wood. Some pieces he collected alone in the desert and one can’t help but wonder how this slim old guy managed to unearth and carry them to where they stand now, as proud sculpture in his mountain home. But once you know him, you discover how resolute and stubborn he is, and it wouldn’t matter how or what, it would be so once he decided it such.

“What John is bringing to him in that connection through the music is a new song.” Her reference was to John Denver, the musician who Rich had connections with before he died ten years ago in a plane crash. “It’s about peace. I heard this song while I was working on him and, ah! It’s so awesome. The guitar parts are great. He’s being encouraged to learn to play the banjo though, to spread the beauty around through a different intonation, a difference frequency band that is wide. Or the mandolin. It’s a resonance that will expand where he presently is. He doesn’t have to learn these instruments. He only has to remember how to play them. He already knows the role that’s the mandolin.”

I can’t picture Rich with a banjo, maybe the mandolin, but keep all my thoughts to myself.

“The song is important because music is a mathematical equation. And he knows these equations from the Seven Sisters. In the song, he mentions the Seven Sisters … and it’s all about peace, peace within your own body water and how it ripples out to everyone else… I feel there’s something about this particular tune. It’s where John comes from too (The Seven Sisters). That’s where the connection came from. There’s something about this particular tune that will reach many ears and touch many hearts.”

Rich considers John to be one of the three most influential men in his life. Rich was recruited by one of John’s lookouts to teach songwriting at Windstar, the artist’s summer cooperative that John started.

Kim’s runs one subject into another without changing expression. She simply announces a new topic: “The physiological level.”

“He told me about his injury, and we worked around those areas.” Rich is working through a broken collarbone from a fall off his horse. “It feels as though there is a very heavy energy around his respiratory system. His heart right now. He is a healthy man. And I see his longevity well in order. So it is important to take measures within his immune system to protect his respiratory system. Natural B vitamins. Aromotherapy would be very good. He needs to keep better care of himself this winter than he normally would.

He is resilient and regenerative. His injury was to slow him down. Of course we have free will… Everything he gets is completely guided, comes straight from source. Which is why he’s able to do what he can do. Which is amazing.”

Kim changes the topic again, “I want to get into other lifetimes. I picked up on three.
The mining. The crystal miner I saw before he ever got on the table. The crystals were used for healing. He was not particularly interested in selling them. He was a traveler. He just traveled a lot, picked up on them, and traded. It was a really beautiful simple existence. And then he would go back down again to the belly of the earth.”

All my vacations with Rich are like explorations with a curious child. He detaches from my hand to run off for hours, looking for shells, sticks, stones and other treasures and finding them in the most unlikely places.

“He went from that sort of beautiful place into the state of Kentucky. I actually saw some sort of “Welcome to Kentucky” sign. Not of this decade. I feel the energy of the Second World War, somewhere about that time. And he was a coal miner in the belly of the earth. We had to deal with some stuck energy here, stuck around his chest. Part of this had to do with Black Lung. Not of this lifetime, but the resonance, or frequency of this, he does still carry because he was trapped in the earth.

Sometimes when our physical form becomes trapped, the essence of our spirit clings. It doesn’t mean he didn’t transcend. But there’s a shadow. And they call it a traveler’s shadow.”
Kim talked over my head about techniques she used to help Rich with his travelers shadow. I had no idea what she was talking about but did not wish to interupt the flow.

“We used a lot of those on him. He was definitely easy to work on. It just popped out of his body like that.” She snapped her fingers. “He was no challenge on popping them out. That was awesome.”

I‘ve discovered plenty of shadows around Rich in the past eight years. One the largest is his obsessive fear of being left alone, although I had thought it inconsistent that he can travel so comfortably in Nature by himself. He’s logged over 250 miles hiking the Grand Canyon after episodes of abandonment by others. When I took my son to Chicago for Christmas a few years back, he could not handle being left alone in the house and went off to collect rocks near Holbrook and St. Johns AZ near the Petrified Forest.

“The release came from being trapped. The thing about being trapped. Like there was some huge cave in or drama in that way. I’m not sure quite how that happened. There were two other people with him. I feel they went somewhere that was not the regular place to be. On their own. And got lost. And that’s where the trap came from. They just didn’t get back out.
But he was okay with that. I think that’s even why there was that shadow of an essence of himself that was still there. Because it was so peaceful. There came the energy of peace again. Which was everywhere, like all over. Very blue.

The color blue is very important to him. He is a Star Man. He has stars in his eyes. Telepathic communication would be very easy for him to pursue. I don’t think he’d have any trouble with it if he wanted to go that direction. He communicates through music, and the lyrics of his music. But basically if you’re in his presence and he wants you want to understand him, you only have to look at his eyes. It’s all right there.”

Rich has the deepest soft blue eyes, now wizened with years of gazing, mostly at Nature, often toward the stars. I remember our first New Year’s Eve, welcoming 2002 by stepping outside to see a magical halo around the near-full moon, at precisely the stroke of midnight, with Rich happily pointing out the surrounding constellations on that crisp cold night. The winter constellations would have included his home of the Seven Sisters.

“I did pick up this other time. It’s like a native American time. I feel like the people were called the snake people. They’re Shishoni. We would say, Shishoni. You have this sort of head dress, it was just phenomenal, and you were working with the owl, which was not common. So a sort of medicine man, or shaman. And you worked with different types of owls. The ghost owls came. That’s what we would call a barn owl. That’s very much associated with the Seven Sisters.” Kim is speaking as though seeing these more clearly for the first time.
“And so a shamanic journey or meditation with the ghost owl would be very beneficial to you to be able to feel that sense of home, from where your soul-source is.
A lot of people are superstitious about owls and think they bring death. But it’s just so not true. If you want to believe that, you can make that happen. But, the ghost owl is the traveler. You move from realm to realm.”

I laugh to myself thinking about a wall hanging we have made from found materials, including an owl Rich preserved that he lovingly rescued from the side of the road. It hangs in the center of a portrait montage in our living room.

“I do feel like your sleeping circumstance needs to improve. In the sense that you may sleep but your rest level is not where it needs to be. Meditations with the owl would help put this back into balance.”

Rich’s sleep schedule coincides with the sun. You’ll find him asleep shortly after sunset, awake before sunrise, nearly every day of the year. Sensitivity to extraneous noise or the slightest change in the household, worry and restlessness awaken him. Yes, I agree, he is like an owl, eyes wide open, hoo, with each rustle in the darkness.

“A Hopi cocina, one which is so sacred that she’s all of Nature, like in the headdress, that’s who did most of your session. That’s who worked through me. It was not so much the healing, which was part of the treatment, but it was more about releasing the pressure. So that feels really important.”

I look at Kim’s face, and see the youthful energy, like a residual effect, still around her. Is it the residual energy of the cocina? It had taken me a while to notice that Kim is not nearly as young as I first took her to be. She is past fifty, yet when she opened the door and I first saw her, I felt as though I was looking into the face of a woman twenty years younger.

“In the Shishoni Life -- that’s where you know him from. You were his woman, Adele. And he wasn’t to take a wife because he was a medicine person. But that’s where you came in, anyway. You took care of him. In fact when he left there were some problems… You sang him to the stars, to home. Because you knew he was from the Seven Sisters, even then.
And you are a singer. You are, like a, spirit singer and there are spirit songs for you to drum with, in your heart. But we’ll get to that later. That’s where you know him from.”

Rich speaks, “When we sing together, our songs are very much about breathing. And the flow comes through as healing songs. She is such a singer.”

“You are so beautifully linked together -- a breath of fresh air.” Kim replies. “
If you think things have been good before, man, you’re really on a beautiful path. Your path is all about beauty. All about beauty.”

“What can I say,” Rich sighs.

“Your new song is like there. John had a message. He wasn’t here much. John said “Mannnnnnnnnnn, if you think flying in a plane gets you high….you have no idea what it’s like on the other side.” Kim laughs at her John Denver imitation. “He had with him a red-tail hawk. So when you see a red tailed-hawk, that’s John.”

I smirk to myself, “Are you sure it’s not an owl?” The portraits in the living room are all realistic drawings of John Denver over his lifetime, drawn by Rich. The group took over a year to complete, not only because of the painstaking detail lovingly represented, but because it was the artist’s first attempt at drawing portraits. Rich healed his vast grief by drawing a portrait of the beloved musician when he died. When others at Windstar saw the results of Rich’s first successful portrait, they kept bringing him more photographs to draw, even little stamp-sized newspaper clippings of their musical hero. Eventually he drew more than twenty charcoal and graphite portraits, refusing offers to sell, due to the pain he felt after the first and only sale. The first six months of drawings were used at John’s Memorial Day dedication. Rich sang a song he wrote for John, at one memorial while staring into the weeping eyes of John’s mother. Later I would give Rich one of his most prized possessions, a Taylor koa-wood guitar, one of only 250 made to commemorate John Denver. On the neck is a pearl inlaid representation of the commemorative statue, and an eagle, not a hawk, not an owl, on the frets.

*****************************************************

My First Visit with Kim, Part 1

As I look over these posts, I realize I never properly introduced my teacher, Kim, to my readers. Luckily, my journal has my first impressions... For a change of pace, I'll break it into easily digestible sections that read like a novella. Settle in and Enjoy!



Rich and I arrived on time for our appointment. We were greeted at the door by a woman who appeared to be much younger than I expected. She was very small in stature, with long brown hair and short bangs that framed a youthful face that seemed off, somewhere else, when she opened the door. Kim introduced herself and ushered us inside.

When we entered the room, we noticed another woman with her, who was also looking off without words, expectantly. I knew her, but she did not wish to acknowledge me at this point. We knew it was best to hurry out, give them their space and wait out turn. We were invading a private moment.

I was thoroughly looking forward to my visit with a woman I knew nothing about. The more impatient of the two of us, Rich would go first for his reading. I did not mind waiting over an hour, plumped on a comfy couch with a good book on natural healing and a head full of memories. I was happy to be here.

I came after several recommendations from fellow students who had seen Kim in action at The Medicine Wheel. Deepak Chopra says there are many gifted teachers out there. It’s just hard to separate the few from the charlatans. So I am naturally wary. We rearranged our schedule, allowing four hours of our time, knowing nothing about the lady; just that other budding Natural Healers thought she was the real deal.

As I wait I wonder if I shouldn’t have been as cynical and close-minded as I had been all these years. I recall an old memory of a pleasant old woman who grabbed my hand in New Orleans, pre-Katrina. I was enjoying a weekend of Jazz Clubs with R**, a long-time friend who was developing romantic interests. I was slowly warming up to the idea after four years of working with him and gaining an unaccustomed trust.

We were in St. Augustine’s Square, one of the oldest church’s in America. The old lady spoke, saying something I forget now, but her words made me feel as if she knew me. “Some old witches trick,” I thought. She offered to read my palm. “No money. No money.” she implored. “I read for free. Five minutes. You can tip me if you like.”

“Five minutes.” I agreed.

She happily told me I would have another major love in my life. But first I would suffer a major upset which would cause me to alter my course dramatically. “Sooner than you think.” she said.
I told her I was quite happy with my life as it is. “Thank you.” I was living well, very successfully by most standards, recuperating from a divorce from a man I had once, perhaps still, deeply loved, but whose psychological problems were severely damaging the rest of his family and my self esteem. I was entering the best phase of my life, at 43, physically and emotionally becoming stronger and more confident than ever. In truth, although I didn’t know it then, I would reach even higher than I could imagine at that point in New Orleans.

“I don’t think I want many changes!” I laughed. “Except perhaps, the love one you mentioned.”
I winked at R** and felt brave enough to ask the Big Question. “Is he, the one you see in my happy new love-life?” I looked into the eyes of the handsome man at my side, and smiled, so she would know that the tip she requested was at risk with her answer.

She did not hesitate. “Oh no, not that way!” She knitted her brows, shook her head firmly and gave R** a look of disgust. I was totally surprised. R** is the more outgoing of the two of us -- funny, engaging, a professional salesman who most people like immediately.

“He’s in your life in a big way, but you will find another who will mean more to you than the first deep love of your life.” She traced lines on my palm as though that would show me how obvious the truth was to see. “See this is good!” she said. “But him. No, he’s not the one.”

“Is that what you see there?” I asked.

“No. It’s what I feel from him,” she said resolutely.

“Too bad.” I laughed. “Honey? Would you give her a tip?” R** shook his head and smirked. I pulled out five dollars and put it in her hand with a smile.

I had invested 20 years with that first deep love of my life, and since we had three children together, I figured our attachments, however redefined, would remain until death do us part. Little did I know how close death stood. And little did I know how right her predictions would turn out to be.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Parenting with Reiki and Healing Touch


One of my children, Mike, has been diagnosed with Aspberger’s syndrome. This supposedly rare autistic "disorder" affects roughly 5 out of 1,000 people, although my other two kids, their father and I all exhibit some of its characteristics. So do Keanu Reeves, dear Albert, my hero Al Gore, and less revered Woody Allen – these are recognizable “types.”


One of the most distinctive challenges Mike has trouble with has to do with attention.

My son can be brilliant, but scattered.

Together, Mike and I turned some major corners these past few days by directing some of my new ways of thinking into helping him overcome attention obstacles. Since Attention is suposed to be one of our key Reiki specialties, let's see how it fits into our daily practice.


He had two major projects due on consecutive days, early this week. One was a poetry portfolio, the other a science fair report and exhibit. He had completed all of the elements: the poetry was written, the experiments completed. What would be overwhelming for someone with attention problems, is literally “getting it all together.”

As I looked at his scattered, disorganized paperwork, I reminded myself of this key Reiki principal: Just for Today, I will Not get Angry. My disapproval will not serve my son. Hey, we all like to think we’re good guys who never show anger. I believe I am “ever-so patient and kind.” But all of our quiet thoughts manifest as energy, despite our pretensions. Reiki has made me more aware that my mirror is clouded by who I think I am, while my energy is strong and can be disruptive, even if I do not intend it.

Whenever I felt the urge to criticize, more than I previously realized, I stopped and recited out loud: “Just for Today, I will not get Angry.” Mike could, obviously, hear this, but he learned to accept it as a clue to my frustration, which was no greater than his own, and to see that we were sharing one of those critical problem areas, once again.

The opportunities for correction were great, my patience, at first, was not. “Just for Today, I will suspend Judgment.” I said. “Just for today, I will not be Critical. Thank you.” Saying it out loud seemed dishonest at first, but it wasn’t. It was vocalizing my Intention to Change my Thoughts and Energy and direct them to the Highest Good. I came to realize how empowering it could be to absolve myself of the responsibility of judging or criticizing others. We were off to a good start. Although there would still be several times I would need to remind myself, again, out loud, it was me re-balancing me, not a mom admonishing her son.

The shift in responsibility was helpful to Mike. When he lapsed in focus, stammered incoherent words or distracted himself, I was there trying to help him redirect his energy and focus. He could see frustration as running two directions, not just in toward himself. Perhaps it amused him. Thankfully he is always respectful with me. More importantly, he could see that I was going to stick with him until the task was completed and that my goal was to help him get there faster and get out of his way when he resumed control.

Mike pulled pages of poetry, in various stages of completion, out of a disorganized mess of papers. His teacher had e-mailed her concerns to me. She had given him checklists and other organizational tools, which helped, but there was much more to do. He would need to find and organized his work, type it, edit, pull references and package it into a pretty presentation -- all in one day.

I had breakfast with him and looked into his sad face. Clearly he felt overwhelmed. He wasn’t satisfied with his work, and thought it could be better. He admitted that instead of doing his work, he wasted a couple hours the night before looking for two poems he believed he finished but couldn’t find.

I told him to “stop worrying, and let it go.” I snapped my fingers in front of his face. Mike knows what that means and just laughed. As ridiculous as it may seem, finger snapping is a way to realign chakras, to rebalance energy in your body. His energy was unproductive. We would need to turn it a positive direction. "Snap!"

I advised him to just concentrate on what he had in hand and forget about what he couldn’t find, for now. Since I knew he was concerned that I would read his poetry and criticize it, I assured him that I wouldn’t read anything unless he asked me to.

I told him that his job right now was to let everything else go for a while and let the poetry flow into the keyboard. When Mike’s mind is clear he has a precocious talent for words. Sometimes I will keystroke for him to help get him started. When he is flowing it is nearly impossible to keep up with him.

When his mind is clouded, he has no words or else they “dummy down.” I have observed him stare at a blank sheet of paper for over an hour although he'd prefer to distract himself with any object at hand. If forced, the words are beneath his competence and grade level. But when Mike’s words flow, expressing his ideas about science, abstract imagery, story-lines, for example, they are often at a college level or beyond -- extraordinary. He straddles a line that vacillates, fluctuates, between utter frustration and pure ecstasy. His challenge is to shift to the the operative side of his brain and sustain focus. Not easy.

I ask him to center himself and think with the mind of a poet. “For Today, you are the poet, the wordsmith. Love yourself. Appreciate your talent and just Go for It.” After breakfast I ask him if he will be alright by himself, taking all the papers of the words he has written and using them as notes for his typing. He agrees. I rub his shoulders then leave him alone. At one point he asked me to realign his chakras in a quickie session. I do a (healing touch) mind clearing and overall unruffling, noting that his lower chakras have slowed at the knees and run counterclockwise at the feet, indicators of lack of forward motion. No surprise; we "snap" them out of it.

I check on him every hour and see he has progressed. He is happy and on track, a major improvement for Mike. I tell him how delighted I am with him and ask if he can stay on task for several hours by himself. This would be something he has only been able to do with reading, not writing or other project assignments.

When I returned, I was astounded to see that he had typed and formatted 23 pages on his own. He got stuck on the last one, a glossary. Why does he stop when he is so near completion? I don’t know. It took him several hours to get his head together enough complete the last page which ended up taking about 15 minutes.

The overwhelming encouragement was that this challenged soul managed to do more in one day than he ever had before. I congratulated him and asked him to go to sleep in a state of gratitude. I told him to think about this as being the new Mike. That he would need to do this again the next day, and that he could.


My words are to this effect: "Just for Today, love yourself and know that you have made important strides. You have created new connections for all your cells, opened their receptors to new patterns that feel good... New patterns, repeated often enough, push old ones away until they become more solidly entrenched." This is totally derived from What the Bleep, one of our threads of common interest. "This is the beginning of a new way of thinking about yourself and creating a fresh reality. Let the new Mikey you know express himself more and more, until you forget all about the old patterns and achieve your highest self." He loves it.

Mike enjoys discussing the paradoxes of abstract science – our bonding topic. Going on to the science fair project was something we both looked forward to, although once again I promised not to get over-involved in his development of content. I helped him stay on track. There were plenty of pitfalls and frustrations, but Mike overcame these with loving attention. I stayed with him through to the end. "Whatever the outcome" I told him as I drove him to school with his finished exhibit, "always know I'm proud of you. You learned more than the judges can ever know. So you're a winner, no matter what."


Last night we attended the fair and Mike took first place in his school, competing against 200 children. Quite a feat to mark a turning point, for this gifted and challenged young man. He admitted it was probably the proudest day of his life.


Once again I am so grateful.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Pendulum Swings


Going through past entries to see how far I've come in just a few months. Thanks to all who've been with me on this journey, especially Rich and Mike, who have been so patient and supportive. Even Millie, above, is turning my head around. Here's an excerpt, with a p.s. that reflects some cynicism sweetened by an opening mind:


Pendulum Swings

November 1, 2008, the day after our second two-day workshop, we went to Denver to experience Jackson Browne in concert. The workshop had covered some mighty interesting topics including pendulum works, although I still wasn’t certain how much of Carl’s quick answers I should regard as gospel truth. The pendulum I made was still in my purse, 325 miles from home, where no one knew its owner -- a piece of natural crystal dangling from a fishing line.

So I pulled it out from time to time to measure the energy in Beule Theater. We had paid dearly for seats close to the orchestra pit, so I could check out the outfits and read the faces of everyone in preferred seating including friends and family of the band, music critics and the most energetic fans who had won, or cannily manipulated, their privilege of sitting up close.

I played with the pendulum by putting my hand in the air as an antenna, directing it at the stage, toward workers or couples eagerly taking their seats. I noticed only one person who came in by himself to take his privileged seat up close, also observed that, among the post-50, long-hair and tee-shirt crowd, he was the only one wearing a suit and tie. “Must be a critic,” I figured I’d try to get a read on him. My pendulum was madly reacting to the high positive energy around by happily swinging large and clockwise. I assumed this meant I couldn’t focus on an individual in this busy boisterous crowd. And if I did, the overwhelming force was so intensely high, it would not perceive differences in energy. I was wrong.

I thoroughly enjoyed the first half of the performance, and thought I’d get confirmation of this fact when the band left the stage and lights went up. I held my left hand over my own heart, the fishing line in my right above seat level as my neighbor vacated the spot next to me. I focused at the dangling crystal and noticed it had subdued its turns a bit. Then as my neighbor returned I looked down and noticed it rocking differently, heading the opposite direction, reading my own heart energy as not in-tune! I pointed it out to my husband and tucked it back into my pocket, perplexed.

As the band began setting up again, there was enough light for me to take one more reading with my hand once again over my heart. It was still spinning counter clockwise, off axis. But when Jackson sang his first note, it promptly reversed direction to a full clockwise open swing.

Carl had spoken of walking down the corridors of hospitals, holding one hand up and the other on his bouncing stethoscope that was eagerly responding to the energy around it. I thought I’d try it with my crystal in Downtown Denver on this pleasant night after the concert. Teenagers were calling happily to one another – good vibes. Horses were drawing carriages. Rich could not resist offering peppermints to a Chlysdale patiently waiting his turn. All seemed in good harmony with their surroundings.


A bicyclist passed me. I thought his speed would make a reading impossible, but my pendulum stalled and acted erratic as he passed. We walked, then stopped at a traffic light and I was able to get a definite counter-clockwise read as I approached, casually palming the cyclist's back while we waited. It returned to a general clockwise spin after he took off.


I paused at the entry of the hotel next to ours, and directed my palm at the open doorway. Even though no one was currently there, it spun energetically counter clockwise. I wondered what couple last passed through those doors and what feelings they left behind.

I tried the same experiment with my own hotel entry. It felt welcoming and the pendulum agreed. A carriage horse, a large chestnut Morgan, and young couple read well. So I tried to take a reading on one of those Cows on Parade, an art sculpture, but it refused to budge. No energy. As I entered the elevator I was able to pick up some motion from my pendulum again. Probably residual energy from it last travelers. But when I turned my palm toward the electrical box, I got nothing again. So man-made energy doesn’t read either.

I was also wrong that I wouldn’t run into anyone I knew that night. Actually Rich’s boss from the USA Today was at the Chess Tables downtown, not far from the Morgan and young couple I had read. I think he took my casual upraised palm and amused expression as hello. I tucked my crystal back into my pocket as we greeted him warmly.


************************

Post-script: January 7, 2009

My loyal dog Millie had been acting funny lately, tripping down stairs, not excited about food, leaving "treats" for us to find in our bedroom corners. So I decided to take a reading on her doing a full body scan with the pendulum. Our 12-year-old Golden cooperated in such a way as though she felt the love in what I was doing, even though I didn't know what to expect.


I put my hand on top of her body beginning above her crown where the energy immediately projected full clockwise circles. I covered her willing eyes, and the circles contracted, becoming more elliptical, and off axis, tending left. I was told she was developing cataracts, the pendulum showed me one eye was better than the other. Little hard growths and larger puffier growths, signs of aging, around her ears registered no changes to my pendulum. Her snout, throat, front were all wide open circles. Her feet and legs, despite the tripping, seemed happy too. Tail areas checked out. Under the belly, where there had been problems years ago, showed that all had cleared up now.


But when I touched her front shoulder under her right leg, the pendulum reacted erratically, spinning clearly off center and pulling left. My hands felt under her thick winter coat and confirmed that a soft massing had developed and spread. I snapped my fingers to open the chakras which responded immediately. I changed my mindset to a healing intention and let energy flow from my hands into her. Millie trembled as I touched her so gently, but did not attempt to move away. After a minute or so, she stopped trembling and looked into my eyes. I hugged her and told her everything would be alright.


I took Millie to the vet who checked out the growth, took a sample to view under the microscope and relieved us with the news that it was not cancerous. "A fatty tumor" he called it. He confirmed that her only area of concern was the eyes and ears, normal for her age but not too bad. Since she is an active dog, who still goes on horseback rides with us, she could live for many years yet.


I think every parent and pet owner should be aware of the magic of pendulum swings. I was told that most people are sensitive enough to pick up the energy very quickly, and the rest will do so with continued practice.


Any dangly thing will work, even a pendant necklace. Attention and Intention -- I feel now that these are the two distinct states of mind that put the energy into play. Give full active attention for scanning and feeling; direct intention for healing and balance.


So simple yet amazingly effective.